So I was blogging on Live Journal, and I went off on a really long, deep rant. XDD It actually surprised me, because when it was over I didn't really remember typing it. I just started talking about how I didn't like this guy Chris anymore, and...yeah, it changed into a rant about who I am, who I want to be, and about how your mom has no skill. Minus the last one, of course C:. Anyway, here's the rant, copied and pasted.

So it's been a while since the last time I've posted, and I feel like I've actually changed a lot. I don't spend all day at home blogging anymore, and I don't think about Chris at all anymore, except when I see him in the hall, or something. I was wrong when I said that maybe things would change, maybe he'd say hi to me from now on. All he ever wanted to say to me was "I love Taking Back Sunday, that song is the best." He just wanted something to say because it was early in the morning, and conversation in homeroom was slow. Why would someone like him talk to someone like me? I'm nobody in their world. I'm nobody in anyone's world. I just wish someone could know who I am. I wish someone would know who I really am. Even Kim doesn't know who I am. She doesn't know that I love to dance in the rain, that I play with my mom's makeup when she's not home, that I love to write stories and throw them away, that I'm embarassed by some of my thoughts, that I sometimes talk myself out of thinking because I'm scared that mind readers really exist. She doesn't know how far my imagination can take me, how deep my thoughts can get. She doesn't know that I can get lost in my own mind during school, just sitting there thinking, looking like the dumbest, most worthless piece of shit on Earth. She doesn't know that during math everyone laughs at me when I can't figure out the simplest problems off of the top of my head, because my mind is too fuzzy from all the thinking I've done with my not paying attention. All she knows is that I'm apparently funny and fun to hang out with. Someone like me can't possibly fit in anywhere here on Earth. I feel like I'm an alien, or a character in one of Ellen Hopkins' books, like Crank, or Burned. I feel... I feel too much for you to understand. People these days don't realize how much they're missing with every glance. They don't realize that miracles really can happen. Every day you open your eyes, a miracle has occured. Every day the sun rises, a miracle has occured. Maybe you have to be a wise man to realize such a thing, but the greatest things in your life are always the simple things that you stroll past without another glance. Take me for example. When people look at me, they see the stupid kid that sits in the back of the class, dreamily looking out a window. They see the mute thats scared to walk across the room for fear of being noticed. They see no one. When I look at myself, do you know what I see? I see an amazing person with a mind that's so mystical, even I don't understand it yet. I see an amazing writer, and I see someone wise beyond their years. I see someone that doesn't deserve to be held prisoner in such a cage that is this earth. I see myself. I see the person no one else sees. And you know what this person has to say? Fuck Chris. When he grows up, he's going to be the bald man that works at the gas station, selling pimply teenagers their sodas. He's going to be the man that goes home to crack addict children and an old maid of a wife that was once beautiful, but turned cold and bitter. You know what I'm going to be? I'm going to be the deepest thinker I can possibly be. I'll never let fate change what I want in life, because fate doesn't own me. I own myself. The next time you see me on the street, look a little closer. NOW tell me what you see.

So yeah. And don't think I'm conceited because of this. Really. I'm so far from conceited it's not even a laughing matter. My self esteem is lower than the price of a street corner whore. I just feel and see things more vividly than the average person, and I'm not afriad to admit that I'm a freak.

Oh, and my mood definitely isn't 'spidey sense.' I don't get how that can be a mood anyway. (<3 God, I love DA. There's a smiley for everything.) Truthfully, I'm feeling a bit more content at the moment, but that doesn't completely describe it. I kind of feel like an old soul, like I've figured it all out. It's not a bad feeling, really.