OKAY. So. I've been poking through my Gallery and I was thinking, "Holy shit this stuff sucks." XD So I'm officially deleting all of those wierd crappy scribbles that I threw together in five minutes. Like the chibis of the fabulous foursome, Jackizzle, and all the other things. :3 Just so you know. ...Not that anyone actually reads these things...but you know. D< I LIKE LETTING IT ALL OUT, OKAY? ....;>> Right. Deleting. BYEEE .

HOKAY.

So to be completely, brutally honest, I haven't touched Melody's Song since the last chapter I submitted. D: I'm sorry, for the few people that were reading it like Hannah, and...random lurkers..? Idon'tknow. So anyway. I'm just starting to get back into drawing, and I did a neat little mid-air jump in Sharpie that I really like. I think I'm gonna go back to my little doodles. I'll probably keep them faceless, though. I like the emotionless effect it gives. So yeah. More drawings should be coming, and if I ever decide to pick up on Melody's Song, more chapters will come too. Hopefully she'll meet Mr. Sexy soon. D:.


;>> And I sound soo interesting, I know. I'm not watching, playing, eating, OR drinking ANYTHINGG. D: I don't even have a song on, or a book I'm reading. God I'm pathetic. BUUUT. If there was a "Smelling:" one, I would so put ramen. XD Justin's cooking in the kitchen. ..o.O; Just thought I'd let you know.

So I was blogging on Live Journal, and I went off on a really long, deep rant. XDD It actually surprised me, because when it was over I didn't really remember typing it. I just started talking about how I didn't like this guy Chris anymore, and...yeah, it changed into a rant about who I am, who I want to be, and about how your mom has no skill. Minus the last one, of course C:. Anyway, here's the rant, copied and pasted.

So it's been a while since the last time I've posted, and I feel like I've actually changed a lot. I don't spend all day at home blogging anymore, and I don't think about Chris at all anymore, except when I see him in the hall, or something. I was wrong when I said that maybe things would change, maybe he'd say hi to me from now on. All he ever wanted to say to me was "I love Taking Back Sunday, that song is the best." He just wanted something to say because it was early in the morning, and conversation in homeroom was slow. Why would someone like him talk to someone like me? I'm nobody in their world. I'm nobody in anyone's world. I just wish someone could know who I am. I wish someone would know who I really am. Even Kim doesn't know who I am. She doesn't know that I love to dance in the rain, that I play with my mom's makeup when she's not home, that I love to write stories and throw them away, that I'm embarassed by some of my thoughts, that I sometimes talk myself out of thinking because I'm scared that mind readers really exist. She doesn't know how far my imagination can take me, how deep my thoughts can get. She doesn't know that I can get lost in my own mind during school, just sitting there thinking, looking like the dumbest, most worthless piece of shit on Earth. She doesn't know that during math everyone laughs at me when I can't figure out the simplest problems off of the top of my head, because my mind is too fuzzy from all the thinking I've done with my not paying attention. All she knows is that I'm apparently funny and fun to hang out with. Someone like me can't possibly fit in anywhere here on Earth. I feel like I'm an alien, or a character in one of Ellen Hopkins' books, like Crank, or Burned. I feel... I feel too much for you to understand. People these days don't realize how much they're missing with every glance. They don't realize that miracles really can happen. Every day you open your eyes, a miracle has occured. Every day the sun rises, a miracle has occured. Maybe you have to be a wise man to realize such a thing, but the greatest things in your life are always the simple things that you stroll past without another glance. Take me for example. When people look at me, they see the stupid kid that sits in the back of the class, dreamily looking out a window. They see the mute thats scared to walk across the room for fear of being noticed. They see no one. When I look at myself, do you know what I see? I see an amazing person with a mind that's so mystical, even I don't understand it yet. I see an amazing writer, and I see someone wise beyond their years. I see someone that doesn't deserve to be held prisoner in such a cage that is this earth. I see myself. I see the person no one else sees. And you know what this person has to say? Fuck Chris. When he grows up, he's going to be the bald man that works at the gas station, selling pimply teenagers their sodas. He's going to be the man that goes home to crack addict children and an old maid of a wife that was once beautiful, but turned cold and bitter. You know what I'm going to be? I'm going to be the deepest thinker I can possibly be. I'll never let fate change what I want in life, because fate doesn't own me. I own myself. The next time you see me on the street, look a little closer. NOW tell me what you see.

So yeah. And don't think I'm conceited because of this. Really. I'm so far from conceited it's not even a laughing matter. My self esteem is lower than the price of a street corner whore. I just feel and see things more vividly than the average person, and I'm not afriad to admit that I'm a freak.

Oh, and my mood definitely isn't 'spidey sense.' I don't get how that can be a mood anyway. (<3 God, I love DA. There's a smiley for everything.) Truthfully, I'm feeling a bit more content at the moment, but that doesn't completely describe it. I kind of feel like an old soul, like I've figured it all out. It's not a bad feeling, really.

Okay. So my hater comments really made me think, and I kind of don't want to upload my drawings on DA anymore. In fact, I think I'm going to go through and get rid of most of them. Drawing just isn't my thing. I like drawing, but I'm not going to post my stuff up just for people to tell me "OMG, THAT SUX." I already know that.

So, anyway, I'm more of a writer, myself. I was reading one of my friends' stories, and I got a bit inspired. I think there's a few numbers, but the name is something along the lines of breakdancenothearts and the story is called Oh Danny Boy. The story itself didn't really inspire me, but the whole writing on deviantART thing did. So I went upstairs with a notebook and a pencil, and I wrote until eleven o'clock at night. I really can get caught up in a story.

Anyway, the story I'm writing is called Melody's Song. It's a story about a girl who's about to commit suicide reflecting back on her life, and all of her regrets, all the points in her life where she wished she could have done something different. Its nothing amazing or anything, but I think I might actually get far with it. Anyway, it's going to include werewolves, and I might even throw in a few vampires and shapeshifters for you fantasy lovers out there. I'll be posting the first five chapters soon.

I'd really love for all the people reading this (though I'm sure there really aren't that many xD) to leave a comment, or something, if they can think of anything else that I could add to the story. It would really help a lot. I'm kind of going for a bit of a deep story here with Melody, and I'm including a few quotes from The Alchemist, which is just about the deepest book you'll ever find. It's written by Paulo Coelho, from Brazil, who also wrote Veronika Decides to Die.

Hopefully, Melody's song will turn out the way I want it to be. I'm going for something like, 'a journey to self-discovery', but she finds out that she doesn't like who she finds, and yada yada, and she ends up killing herself. So yeah. The title can't really be explained until the exact last sentence of the story. ...Yes, I'm writing a story with the very last sentence in mind. I'm crazy. I know.

And I'm not really eager, but... That smiley is just too amazing to pass up.

Okay, so I don't think some of you haters out there realize how much you can completely crush a person with some of your comments. Maybe you don't mean to post comments that are completely uncalled for (thought I'm sure you most-likely do, considering how bad some of them are), if you can't give constructive critisism and not just hateful crap, then don't post on my deviations. I just got two comments that actually really upset me. On my youtube stuff, I just send people really long pissed off comments, but I'm really sensitive when it comes to my drawings. I know I'm not that good, but I actually love to draw, and I enjoy DA. I came home pretty happy today, which is rare, considering how much I hate coming home, and that totally got ruined by those comments I got. Anyway, considering I'm a spiteful bitch, I'm going to post the comments here so they can be forever remembered as an example of how easy it is to make someone feel like shit.

~Szczuroskoczka 45 minutes 24 seconds ago Hide Report Spam
omg T_T first, learn how to draw, second add pic.
your gallery... no comment. :/
--
do u looove me?

Okay. First of all, this is the comment that really upset me. Like I said before, I know I can't draw, but I enjoy drawing. Instead of telling ME how to draw, maybe she/he should actually draw something. From the looks of it, all that person does is take pictures, which most likely means they can't draw. Don't get me wrong, taking pictures is fun. I'm just saying, don't complain about my drawing if you don't draw. This comment got me really self-concious about the drawings/photos that I uploaded, knowing they were bad. I almost took some stuff off, but ended up talking myself out of it. And as for the signature, No. I do not love you. D< YOU JUST KILLED MY DAY. WHY WOULD I LOVE YOU?

~inuzukatai 46 minutes 52 seconds ago Hide Report Spam
Let me tell something. I REALLY HATE THINGS LIKE THIS. I THINK THAT IS SICK.

Okay, maybe we have different views on cutting. I've got nothing wrong with that. But if you hate things like that, why were you looking for things like that? Considering I JUST got that comments, only like an hour after I uploaded the picture, then how is it possible that they found it if they weren't looking up pictures that they apparantly hate? Really, I don't care what your views are on something else. I don't really support suicide, but if there's no other way out, then go ahead and do your thing. It's not my business. This picture was done based on a roleplay. Not because I cut and plan to kill myself. Trust me, when I've reached that point, I'll tell you all before I suddenly stop posting on DA.

Thanks to those who actually read this, anyway. I don't feel much better after that, but oh well. Really, though. If you're a hater, I don't think you realize how much your comments can actually bother someone. Considering I'm new to DA and never get comments, I was REALLY happy when I saw I had new comments. It hurts to get that excited and that depressed all in one minute. Well, thanks again to the people that cared enough to read.